When Kids Can’t Concentrate:
How Eating Disorders Impact Our
Children’s Education
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When Your Children Suffer from Eating Disorders: A Mother's Story
Mary Ellen Clausen
Where do I begin? After much prayer, consideration
and my families support, I felt it important to share my story. If it can
make a difference in just one person’s life, well, it will all be worth
it.
My daughters have struggled for many years because of
their eating disorders. I have spent many a night sitting by their
bedside making sure they keep breathing. I live in fear of the phone
ringing, a fear that sometimes is paralyzing. I live in crisis mode 24/7,
always ready to face the next challenge. I minimize what I feel and
maximize what they feel. Then, of course, there is the guilt and anger. I
don’t go there very often because I can’t, you see. I must be ready at all
times. If I start to process it all I am fearful that I won’t be available
for the next crisis. That somehow if I go to the edge. I won’t come back.
So for the time being my only feeling is numbness.
How and when did all of this begin? Some of the
"how's" are obvious: we live in a society that is focused on appearances.
Media dictate the ideals of perfection. Thin is in. It is socially
acceptable to have an eating disorder. It has become the norm. We do not
talk of education and prevention, we are just looking for the stories that
offer the greatest shock value. The "when's" of this epidemic are
difficult to pinpoint, and certainly vary widely. However, I’m not sure
the "when's" or "how's" are even relevant at this point. In my family
this monster we call ED surfaced when my oldest daughter went off to
college. What should have been an exciting time in all of our lives turned
into something unthinkable. We thought we had prepared our daughter for
college life. After graduating at the top of her class she received an
excellent academic scholarship to a top university, she was accepted in
the honors program with a strong desire to succeed in medicine. She
completed only one year. She was diagnosed with anorexia/bulimia after
her freshman year and unable to complete her education. We believed once
she “conquered” her eating disorder she would return to school. ED however
had something else in mind. The control ED had on her was bigger that
anything we were prepared for. She cycled through treatment facilities
with her insurance company making life decisions on her recovery. It is
incomprehensible to imagine all that she has suffered. Her pain was
bigger than life, and on several occasions, too many to count, she tried
to end her pain. For just a moment close your eyes and imagine your
daughter crying for you. You are unable to determine dream or reality. You
awaken and somehow deep inside you know, reality, and yet your are
unprepared for what you will find: your precious little girl curled up on
the kitchen floor with a kitchen knife to her wrists. She tells you she
doesn’t want to die, but she also doesn’t want to live. Imagine, if you
will, driving through a snow storm all night to reach your destination and
find your little girl on a ventilator unable to breath on her own. As we
listened to the rhythm of the machine there was actually a sense of peace.
I was by no means giving up. There were just moments she seemed free of
pain. That I wished to hold on to, but those moments did not last long.
Even in her unconscious state of mind she struggled to remove the thing
that was keeping her alive.
Also imagine for just a moment, through all of this,
your second daughter, your baby girl, succumbs to this disease, so rapidly
and so severely that you just didn’t see it coming. How is that
possible? Once again, I have failed. She is in crisis state. Her health is
so medically compromised you know that she will die unless she receives
treatment immediately. You spend all your waking moments searching for
treatment facilities that will take her and you spend all your “attempting
to sleep” moments by her bedside making sure she continues to breath.
As a family we have exhausted all financial resources
to help our children, and will continue to do so. Emotionally and
physically we are also exhausted, but we will never give up. My husband
and my faith are my rocks that never budge. I thank God for that. And how
grateful we are for the existence of the Eating Disorders Coalition and
their aggressiveness in combating this disease. I have truly been
privileged and blessed to meet so many amazing families with incredible
courage and strength, some of whom have suffered tragedies beyond
comprehension. And yet they are here today, with love, support, and a
desire to make a difference. They are an inspiration.
How are my daughters now?....They have yet been
unable to complete their education. My youngest daughter is back in
treatment, she has totally relapsed and unable to complete her freshman
year of college. There was a time that would have saddened me. Now,
however, I am so grateful that she is even alive. And my oldest daughter
is here with me today. There is not a day that goes by that she does not
suffer the ramifications of this disease. At 23 years of age, she is in
constant pain. And yet she works aggressively on her goal of one day being
able to complete her education, which is no longer a given but something
she will have to fight and work very hard for.
Our lives have been changed forever. My heart hurts
from the inside out and there is an emptiness in my soul that I can not
fill. However, through God’s grace I have never lost hope. I believe we
have choices to make. We can choose to concentrate on the pain of this
brokenness or we can allow the pain to drive the passion to make a
difference. I believe the choice is obvious. Our voices will be heard
today. Together we CAN make a difference.
So I urge you to take this mother's story to heart.
We need policies that recognize eating disorders as a serious public
health threat. We need resources for education, prevention, and treatment.
We have run out of time. This is a matter of life or death. Urge your
member of congress to address eating disorders now.
Thank you.
The briefing was held
Wednesday, February 26. We thank Representative Judy Biggert (R-IL) and
Representative Ted Strickland (D-OH) for hosting this briefing.
